In fact, most days I know I don't.
I had to be around 11 or 12 when my mom went through a Spiritual gifts test with us older children and we confirmed what my mom had known for a long time- my gift was that of 'Mercy'. Now in my mind the gift of Mercy is both a blessing and a curse for those of us who find it our motivational gifting in the Body of Christ. This gift allows us to both sense deeply and feel deeply. It allows us to get to the root of anothers emotional battle and it compels us to feel very deeply our own emotional highs and lows. It drives us to bring restoration, and a balm or cure to those who hurt- Spiritually or otherwise, and all too often it keeps us inside of our own heads and struggling with something akin to "Physician heal thyself".
It is distinctly burned into my memory mom talking to each of us that night and explaining our newly defined natural inclinations and how we were to be using them for the Kingdom of Christ. For me she opened to Romans 12:15 which states "Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep." As we talked those verses lifted off the page and burned themselves on my heart. They couldn't be a more moving enjoinder in all of Christendom then what I felt I had just been commissioned to do. In a few short lines I felt like my life purpose had been defined.
Over the years I have found that nothing is as easy at it seems. Including my commission.
Today I have sat in my room reading my brains out and hiding in the pages of a well written novel 200 years and 3,000 miles from where I sit. It has provided a good distraction, a cover for the emotional storm inside me. The book has given me a place to vent my tears, spend my nervous energy, and recover my humor. But outside my little room the world moves on and continues passing. Removed from me by distances near and far are friends, and strangers, experiencing the heights of joy and the depths of sorrow. Today, a friend of mine was married, and another engaged. Today, I read of a member of the Body that has lost a 13 year old girl in a car accident, while at the same time I know another friend of mine hosted the celebration of a family milestone amidst the shadow of wayward siblings. Today, I heard that a former acquaintance has lost her father, while at the same time another friend of mine was celebrating the birthday's of two of her children with family and friends.
I suppose that things like this happen every day, but today I'm really feeling every one of them.
I feel the joy. I feel the loss. I feel the complexity of emotions inbetween.
So today, between the pages of my escape trip I have not been able to stop up my prayers. From my mind to God's ears they have flown unhindered by my own emotion and laid at the feet of the One who feels each one of these far more than I do... and who has far more power to bind them up, provide the cure, or put on shoes of dancing. It is a reminder to me that I should be here far more often, and far more willingly surrendering my mission to deliver the healing touch.
Finishing out my evening I decided to get busy "Pinning" over on my Pinterest page where I ran into this free printable graphic and the thoughts and emotions, and prayers of my day came full circle for me. It brought cool, calming water to bathe my soul in and reminded me that all of us, at all times, whether joyous or sad, whether mercy-bearers or other-gifted, need true rest.
And that when I reflect on it, that my friends is what gives me strength to dust out my tangled emotional cobwebs and be who I really am... one who rests in my Jesus.
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